The Jobs to Make You Feel Good

Throughout recorded history, rich and powerful men and women have tended to surround themselves with servants, clients, sycophants, and minions of one sort or another. Not all of these are actually employed in the grandee’s household, and many of those who are, are expected to do at least some actual work; but especially at the top of the pyramid, there is usually a certain portion whose job it is to basically just stand around and look impressive. You cannot be magnificent without an entourage. And for the truly magnificent, the very uselessness of the uniformed retainers hovering around you is the greatest testimony to your greatness. Well into the Victorian era, for instance, wealthy families in England still employed footmen: liveried servants whose entire purpose was to run alongside carriages checking for bumps in the road.

Servants of this sort are normally given some minor task to justify their existence, but this is really just a pretext: in reality, the whole point is to employ handsome young men in flashy uniforms ready to stand by the door looking regal while you hold court, or to stride gravely in front of you when you enter the room. Often retainers are given military-style costumes and paraphernalia to create the impression that the rich person who employs them has something resembling a palace guard. Such roles tend to multiply in economies based on rent extraction and the subsequent redistribution of the loot.

Just as a thought experiment: imagine you are a feudal class extracting 50 percent of every peasant household’s product. If so, you are in possession of an awful lot of food. Enough, in fact, to support a population exactly as large as that of peasant food producers. You have to do something with it—and there are only so many people any given feudal lord can keep around as chefs, wine stewards, scullery maids, harem eunuchs, musicians, jewelers, and the like. Even after you’ve taken care to ensure you have enough men trained in the use of weapons to suppress any potential rebellion, there’s likely to be a great deal left over. 

As a result, indigents, runaways, orphans, criminals, women in desperate situations, and other dislocated people will inevitably begin to accumulate around your mansion (because, after all, that’s where all the food is). You can drive them away, but then they’re likely to form a dangerous vagabond class that might become a political threat. The obvious thing to do is to slap a uniform on them and assign them some minor or unnecessary task. It makes you look good, and at least that way, you can keep an eye on them.

- David Graeber, Bullshit Jobs: A Theory

5 Categories of Bullshit Jobs

I have found it most useful to break down the types of bullshit job into five categories. I will call these: flunkies, goons, duct tapers, box tickers, and taskmasters.

Let us consider each in turn.

 

1. what flunkies do

Flunky jobs are those that exist only or primarily to make someone else look or feel important.

i.e. uniformed elevator operators whose entire job is to push the button for you.

 

2. what goons do

The use of this term is, of course, metaphorical: I’m not using it to mean actual gangsters or other forms of hired muscle. Rather, I’m referring to people whose jobs have an aggressive element, but, crucially, who exist only because other people employ them.

 

The most obvious example of this are national armed forces. Countries need armies only because other countries have armies. If no one had an army, armies would not be needed. But the same can be said of most lobbyists, PR specialists, telemarketers, and corporate lawyers. Also, like literal goons, they have a largely negative impact on society. I think almost anyone would concur that, were all telemarketers to disappear, the world would be a better place. But I think most would also agree that if all corporate lawyers, bank lobbyists, or marketing gurus were to similarly vanish in a puff of smoke, the world would be at least a little bit more bearable.

 

3. what duct tapers do

Duct tapers are employees whose jobs exist only because of a glitch or fault in the organization; who are there to solve a problem that ought not to exist.

 

The most obvious examples of duct tapers are underlings whose jobs are to undo the damage done by sloppy or incompetent superiors…… There will always be a certain gap between blueprints, schemas, and plans and their real-world implementation; therefore, there will always be people charged with making the necessary adjustments. What makes such a role bullshit is when the plan obviously can’t work and any competent architect should have known it; when the system is so stupidly designed that it will fail in completely predictable ways, but rather than fix the problem, the organization prefers to hire full-time employees whose main or entire job is to deal with the damage.

 

4. what box tickers do

I am using the term “box tickers” to refer to employees who exist only or primarily to allow an organization to be able to claim it is doing something that, in fact, it is not doing.

 

5. what taskmasters do

Taskmasters fall into two subcategories. Type 1 contains those whose role consists entirely of assigning work to others. This job can be considered bullshit if the taskmaster herself believes that there is no need for her intervention, and that if she were not there, underlings would be perfectly capable of carrying on by themselves. Type 1 taskmasters can thus be considered the opposite of flunkies: unnecessary superiors rather than unnecessary subordinates.

 

Whereas the first variety of taskmaster is merely useless, the second variety does actual harm. These are taskmasters whose primary role is to create bullshit tasks for others to do, to supervise bullshit, or even to create entirely new bullshit jobs. One might also refer to them as bullshit generators. Type 2 taskmasters may also have real duties in addition to their role as taskmaster, but if all or most of what they do is create bullshit tasks for others, then their own jobs can be classified as bullshit too.

- David Graeber, Bullshit Jobs: A Theory

鲇鱼效应(Catfish Effect)

很久以前，以捕鱼为生的挪威人，在深海区发现了大量的沙丁鱼。他们非常高兴，因为沙丁鱼一直都能卖个好价钱。可是，他们却碰到了一个难题，就是沙丁鱼还没等运回到岸上，就口吐白沫、肚皮朝天了。渔民们绞尽脑汁，但仍无计可施。有一天，一个渔民无意中在放沙丁鱼的槽中放了几条鲇鱼，结果，沙丁鱼都活着上岸了。原来，鲇鱼是沙丁鱼的天敌，当在装沙丁鱼的鱼槽里放入鲇鱼后，鲇鱼就会不断地追逐沙丁鱼。在鲇鱼的威胁下，沙丁鱼拼命游动，激发了活力，从而活了下来。

无独有偶，日本也有一个类似的故事，我们权且就叫它鳗鱼的故事吧。它在日本流传很广，据说，还是日本孩子懂事后父母讲给他们听的第一个故事呢。

古时候，日本渔民出海捕鳗鱼，因为船小，回到岸边时鳗鱼几乎都死光了。但是，有一个渔民却非常幸运，他捕捞到的鳗鱼都能够活着到岸。人们都感到纳闷，他的船、船上的装备以及装鱼的船舱也没什么不同啊，为什么他的鳗鱼能一直活蹦乱跳呢？自然，他的鱼就能卖上高价，而别人也只能干瞪眼看着。

这种状态一直持续着，那个渔夫都成百万富翁了，人们还是百思不得其解。直到几年以后，这个渔民身染重病不能出海捕鱼了，他才把秘密告诉了他的儿子。原来，他在盛鳗鱼的船舱里，放进了一些狗鱼。鳗鱼和狗鱼天生就是死对头，为了对付狗鱼，鳗鱼就要竭力反击。敌对双方都处于紧张的状态中，自然生的本能就被充分调动起来了。

聪明的渔民还通过这种现象悟出了人生的道理：要勇于接受挑战，只有在挑战中，生命才会充满生机和希望。

两个故事其实蕴含的是一个道理：引入竞争可以激活组织或集体的内部活力。后来人们还把这个哲理命名为“鲇鱼效应”（“狗鱼效应”），并且广泛地应用到日常生活中。

但是，人们也并没有忘记探究这样一个问题：为什么一个集体或个人在没有外来刺激的时候会丧失活力呢？社会学家、心理学家、生理学家都在这方面做了努力。他们通过观察研究发现，使集体或个体丧失活力的根本原因有两个，一个是懒惰的恶习，另一个是安逸的环境。

--- 翟文明，《世界上最神奇的60个经典定律》，2011

帕金森定律(Parkinson's Law)

能力低下的领导者，随着年龄的增加，就会有力不从心的感觉。按道理，他就应该选择光荣“退伍”，可是他不愿意，他怎么能甘心放弃手中的权力以及相应的好处呢？所以他就要有所考虑，他要找人来给自己帮忙以缓解自己的压力。这时候他的自私心理就开始作怪了，如果找一个能力比自己强的人做下手，无疑是引狼入室，会对自己手中的权力产生威胁。很显然，只能找能力比自己还低的人了。并且还不能只找一人，那样势必不能保证这个人日后没有夺权之心，所以就要找两个人，以便两人之间形成互相制约的关系。这样自己就成了掌控全局的人，无形当中还抬高了自己的地位。同样，这两个人随着年龄的增长，在他们身上也会出现身心疲惫、力不从心的现象，他们就会依样画葫芦地分别给自己找两个下属。

一生二，二生四，四生八，八生十六，机构就这样变得越来越庞大了。

用这种方式提升起来的领导，其能力可想而知，根本就是一茬不如一茬。领导注定了是无能的领导，无能领导必然要提拔无能的接班人，所以，帕金森定律的存在也就成了必然。

--- 翟文明，《世界上最神奇的60个经典定律》，2011

彼得原理透视 (The Peter Principle)

彼得原理是：在一个等级制度中，每个人都趋向于上升到他所不能胜任的地位。原因是每个人由于在原来职位胜任，就将被提升到更高一级职位；如果继续胜任则将进一步被提升，直到他所不能胜任的职位为止。

由此可以得出的结论是：

• 每一个职位最终都将被不能胜任其工作的人所占据。
• 层级组织的工作任务多半是由不胜任阶层的员工完成的。
• 它总是趋向于把自己引向不胜任的位置，从而导致组织效率的下降。

在现实生活中，人们往往因为某人的本职工作做得出色，就想当然地认为他能胜任上一级的工作，从而将他提拔到更高一级。这样一来，那些原本在低一级岗位算得上人才的人，或是可以施展才华的人，在较高的职位上却变得不胜任了。最可怕的是，他们还要在这个不胜任的职位上耗到退休。这是彼得原理的核心内涵，所以彼得原理又被通俗地称为“向上爬原理”。

显而易见，“向上爬”这种状况，无论对于员工，还是对于组织，都没什么好处，都是受害者。对于员工，因为不胜任工作，不但自身的价值不能实现，还会丧失工作乐趣。对于组织，这种不恰当的晋升，不但使组织失去了一个能够胜任较低一级职位的优秀员工，还让组织得到了一个蹩脚的管理者。

那么，彼得原理到底因何而生呢？

• 层级组织制度

彼得原理，这个曾被西方人评价为可以和科学史上牛顿、哥白尼发现相媲美的、最深刻的社会心理学发现，存在的前提是组织能够提供足够多的层级和职位。并且现代层级组织制度还总能为一些不称职的人提供有利的晋升条件，因为现代的层级组织制度总是从下面补充由晋升、辞退、退休等造成的空位。

• 论资排辈的升迁制度

许多单位的升迁制度都是论资排辈的，只要工作年限够了，只要积累了一定的工作经验（不管是哪方面的），即便是专业、技术人员，不管适不适合管理，凭借着论资排辈的升迁制度也会晋身管理阶层。但是他们的专业知识和经验并不等同他们可以成为出色的上司。同时，这样的晋升制度也会让他们自恃事业有成，而忘了进一步进修及提升自己的专业知识及管理能力。

• 把晋升当作一种管理策略

晋升有时也是管理的一个手段，或者也可以说是一种管理策略。
1．员工激励机制。在这种情况下，岗位晋升成了一种奖励方式，因为当员工认为自己有晋升的可能和机会时，他们就会努力工作以便获得提升。
2．维护组织的安全。如果某一员工业绩突出，尽管他不能胜任更高一级的工作，也要提拔。因为，如果这名员工跳槽到竞争对手的组织中，可能会给组织带来危险。

• 员工对高位的主观追求

人们总是以为爬得越高就代表越好。这样做不但能满足自己的虚荣心，满足自己的当官瘾，还能捞到不少实惠，何乐而不为呢？所以，人们才会乐此不疲。

--- 翟文明，《世界上最神奇的60个经典定律》，2011