Conflict, evil, and hurt are inevitable in life. We need to forgive and be forgiven because forgiveness is a transforming process. In his book Helping People Forgive, Augsburger explains that this process “allows us to change our minds, begin again, and risk further relationship.… This breaking of the cycle of blind retaliation or judicial retribution allows persons, relationships, or institutions to start over, to begin again.”
Confronting the trivialization of true forgiveness under the influence of an individualistic culture, Augsburger also describes what true forgiveness is not. It is not something you do to yourself for your own good, to free yourself from pain or to cease being a victim; forgiveness is not taking control so that you can refuse to be held hostage emotionally by an event or person and can focus your energies on the future; forgiveness is not something you have the power to choose independently of the other’s attitudes or actions; forgiveness is not merely a refusal to accept injustice as inevitable or tolerable; forgiveness is not offered simply as a release from self-absorption and self-destruction; forgiveness is not a private ritual of release where there is no atonement and no power to bring about reconciliation. None of these things are true forgiveness; nevertheless, they are important because they offer wisdom about letting go of being in control of the relationship, the situation, and the hurt, and they are helpful in moving victims toward healing. These are prerequisites for authentic forgiveness because they form “the groundwork of restoring attitudes of love on which forgiveness will stand if it is to ever happen.”
A great many Christians perceive and practice forgiveness in a distorted manner. Such distortions arise mainly due to their understanding of forgiveness being tainted, in varying degrees. For example, some forgive by forgetting the past and focusing on the future; some forgive by passive acceptance; others forgive in order to avoid conflict and maintain harmony; still others forgive in order to achieve self-healing, yet without dealing with the damaged relationship; and some forgive by pretending all is well again.
This is not authentic forgiveness. God not only wants people to unilaterally forgive and be healed, he also wants them to repent and reconcile with one another through a process of true forgiveness that is biblically based so that complete healing can occur and genuine communion can be restored.
- John C. W. Tran, Authentic Forgiveness: A Biblical Approach, 2020.
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